A kiss
by BIBOTOT
Summary: Title says it all. Please enjoy.


Alright guys, here's another funny story of mine. Be sure to check it out.

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It was Sunday.

_11:12 am._

Noel Vermillion took a deep breath before entering. So far, her life had been rather exciting, to say for the least. True, she successfully lived through the killing fields of Faradoor, escaped the Death Tunnel where the an evil doctor tried to resurrect an ancient force, and more recently, fought her way out of the Siege of Darrick without a single scratch, although she came close to losing some unrecoverable body parts in the process. But not even those experience could prepare her for what was about to happen.

She was on her first date. And her partner was none other than the great and glorious Major Jin Kisaragi.

"I can do this," she told herself as she came into the restaurant which was the most luxurious place she had ever walked in. Vast decorations hung on walls and windows, and the antique columns were heavily ornamented. The Major was already sitting, waving for her. He had booked two tables for the occasion, one for the two of them, the other to put trouble-makers who decided to show up.

"Over here, Noel," Jin called.

"Such a nice place you've invited me, Major," said Noel, taking her seat and fixing her hair. In order to blend in, they were both wearing costumes, otherwise paparazzi and journalists would be on them like flies on a juice dead corpse. The people of Darrick were grateful, but tended to over-do that. Jin was much appalled at the headlines of the news: _**Jin Kisaragi, blasting the enemy**_; _**Jin Kisaragi, out magnificent savior**_; _**Haller Uzuki, Magical Girl underwear is in style**_. It was almost impossible to get around without ten of thousands of eyes watching at him, and the NOL insisted on his further staying just to make sure the mutant taint had been cleanse.

"It's no big deal," the Major replied, adjusting his fake mustache to a nicety. To be fair, it was more likely that the Black Beast rises again than Jin having a good rapport with one of his adjutants. They had been fired from time to time owning to incompetence, insubordination, and being in the bathroom for too long. One got fired, for real, by a dozen of laser-guns while standing blindfolded next to a pole after being accused of selling intelligence to the opponent and Jin didn't attend the trial which put the verdict on her simply because he couldn't be bothered to care.

But this time was different. For the first time, the hot-headed and cold-hearted Jin Kisaragi felt affection for someone of the opposite sex. For the first time, he wasn't growling and shouting at his aide. For the first time, he felt love.

And what made him change? Noel Vermillion was hardly the kind of women with a lot of distinctive traits, and the ones she had were generally on the negative side. However, during the course of their adventure together, she had more than proven herself (outstanding in some and super-terrible in others, which she never admitted). Without her, Jin doubted his head would still be on his neck, and not as trophy on some evil insane maniac's pointy stick. And moreover, she had the same eyes as his: astonishingly green emerald.

The two started talking together in attempt to mimic a romantic dinner. No candles, as it was in the middle of the day and neither was there music. It takes a week to order a table at the most expansive restaurant of Darrick, sub-sector of the 16th hierarchical city but at least a month in order to reserve a musician. And Jin had no interest in using his status in this, as it would be like putting up the sign: _**Here's your hero. Let's annoy him until he's dead.**_

_The sparkle in your eye,  
The warmth of your skin.  
Your breath on my neck,  
That shakes me within…  
_

The Major began by reciting pieces of the poem he had spent the entire night rehearsing to the point of fluency. It was the first time he had put real effort into doing something, if not to mention exotic art club which he soon regretted his enrolment.

"Ohh, Major Kisaragi," said Noel dreamily. "You are soooooo romantic."

Jin was dumbfounded for a moment. He hesitated and fidgeted. So it seemed the Major was actually the shy one in this romantic relationship.

Now it's my chance, Noel though as she leaned closer.

"Major, I've got something to tell you. It's a secret."

"What is it?" asked Jin. As he put himself forward, so did Noel. Her lips whispered softly into his ears.

"Do you love me?"

Jin was initially taken back by the question. "Well, uhm…Are you sure…?"

"Answer it," Noel insisted. Taking advantage of her partner's confusion, the Lieutenant closed in for the kiss. She was close, very close. But before that could happen, someone's voice boomed out like a bell.

"Hey, wait! It's that Major Jin Kisaragi, our hero?"

All the eyes were focused on them now. Jin let out a sigh in disappointment and Noel flushed violently. So the disguise didn't work after all. And Haller had earlier promised to lend Cereal his underwear as well as performing multiple requests should it fail.

They crowded the couple like metals on a magnet, enquiring and questioning hectically. It was hopeless. Even other table which Jin booked wouldn't be able to fill them all in.

"What is your favorite food?"

"Is your short-crop hairstyle fashionable from where you came from?"

"It's your fake mustache inspired by Stalin's facial hair?"

"Do you have any interest in promotion?"

To Noel's bemusement, the crowd began asking her too, which was the last thing she would expect, judging her lack of inter-personal communication skill as well as her tendency to avoid being stared by more than three sets of eyes. Adding to that, many of the questions were…private at best and highly embarrassing at worst.

"What is your breast size?"

"How does it feel being the girlfriend of a hero?"

"Are you prepared for maternity?"

It was too much, way too much for Noel to tolerate. And so, with a loud screech, she ran off, leaving her superior with the crowd.

"Hey, Noel, wait." The girl exited before Jin could call her.

_3:54 pm._

The Hanging Garden of Darrick was the most beautiful thing Noel had ever seen, even prettier than the one at Kagutsuchi. The Major called, asking for a compensation for the ruined date, and had chosen the garden as the spot. All the people there were, if not nobles, members of wealthy families, so their reaction was rather more reserved, and there weren't many here to begin with. A perfect place. More or less.

Noel ran towards the cliffs where Jin was standing waiting. She was so distracted that she didn't watch where she was going, and ended up slipping on the edge of a pavement. The girl went down hard, as if hit by an ogre's meaty fist from behind. Her face impacted the ground with a thuk and both her shoes flew out, revealing a pair of cute and delicate barefeet. The pavement was designed with a pattern that encouraged people falling, presumable the only persons here were from the rich and powerful caste and so the architects doubted any of them would be stupid enough to fall like that. But that was obviously not the case here.

Luckily, apart from few minor scratches, the Lieutenant didn't take any serious, or conspicuous, injuries. But her eyes were full of tears.

"Are you alright?" Jin asked. "Why are you running like that?" As he approached to support her up, a though slipped through Noel's mind.

This is it. My second chance. God, please make this work.

She pouted as Jin extended his hand to pull her up. "My question earlier. What's your answer?"

The Major was once again dumfounded. Noel pushed her lips closer. One millimeter more and she would have succeeded, but then again, it was too good to be true.

"Hey, you there, halt it, I say." The cry came from a robust middle-aged man wearing little decent clothes and with a very distinctive X-shaped scar on his face. "How dare you bully such innocent and frail lady?"

He was followed by a knot of ninjas wearing colorful outfits. They added to him.

"Leave her alone, you beast."

"Let go of that damsel."

"You will pay for this."

So in the end, Noel was left with no choice but to stand up on her own, which painful to say for the least. And there was no hope to recover her shoes until this was over, so she might as well walk barefooted for the time being.

"Who are you?" asked Jin, frowning.

"Who am I?" the man exploded in outrage. "Don't tell me you've forgotten my identity so quickly."

"Wait," said Jin. "We've met. You're the guy from Ronin guy."

"That's right," said one of the ninjas. Jin noticed he was wearing yellow. "And you kicked this awesome man in the pancreas as if he was a filthy animal."

"Wow there," said the man with the scar. He was blushing. "Let's just say he defeated and then humiliated me, OK?"

"There are only two persons whose pancreas I've laid my foot on," said Jin thoughtfully. "One is Cannibal Cain who you are probably not, because his scar is in the shape of a horseshoe. So you must be…what-is-it-again, Bell the Reaper?"

"It's Bang Shishigami," the man cried furiously.

"Right," Jin corrected. "Bang the Reaper."

"It's Shishigami, not Shinigami."

Jin sighed wearily. "Whatever. Your name is too long and too boring. I'm going to call you Bang Sushi-man."

"Sounds tasty," said a bystander.

"Mr. Sushi-man, Yay!" said his son.

"How dare you, foul Kisaragi!" Bang exclaimed at the top of his lung, which plainly did not acquire anything resembled such. "To abuse my title and to mock it. That's the ultimate humiliation a warrior could ever have. But no, I shall not have you live to insult me another day. It's time for RETRIBUTION!"

A rapturous applause arose from the subordinates.

"Go Boss!"

"Kick his ass!"

"You're my hero!"

"What did I wrong you anyway?" asked Jin. "Normally the ones I deal with are extreme zealots, but you….I don't think I have any reason to fight you. You're just…hurting yourselves."

"But I have one," explained Bang. "Remember Lord Kenjo? He was like a farther to me. And you killed him in cold blood. How do you justify that?"

"I did what I must," countered Jin, suddenly more serious. Noel felt disappointed. Once the Major start taking something a business, it was almost impossible to pull him out. "He was too much a threat to be left alive."

"Silent," scowled Bang. "I will not have you speak ill of my master. Prepare to die."

With that, the scruffy ninja charged with demonstration of agility that made Jin grudgingly envy of. Nevertheless, what should have come came in the end. Slipping on the pavements Bang lost his balance and launched himself right into the pile trash cans. Anyone who runs here is bound to fall and hurt him/herself, that's number one rule for anyone entering the Hanging Garden. Several spectators were watching this with a mixture of curiosity and amusement; at least Noel didn't feel too bad now, knowing not only her made that stupid mistake.

It appeared that a picnic had just taken place, as Bang found himself swimming involuntarily in a sea of discarded food and waste packages.

"Why can't you people be more resourceful?" said Bang as he slowly stood up with a half-eaten chocolate bar in his hand. "By throwing away a perfectly edible snack like this, you have wastefully denied the chance of nutrition. And just by thinking of how many are there without a piece of bread to eat makes me feel abhorrent. No, this shall not come to pass. I, BANG SHISHIGAMI, shall finish this once and for all."

Jin and Noel seemed drained of blood. The last time Darem pulled out a donut from under the coach and ate it was unbearable just by thinking of.

"Wait," cried Jin. "You seriously don't want to do that!"

"No, Mr. Bang, no," Noel shrieked. "Anything but that."

The public also expressed dismay.

"Please stop, I'd rather take a punch from my wife than seeing this."

"There are 1000 ways to commit suicide, why are you choosing the one that involves mass murdering?"

"I am the one who ate half of that. And I suffer diabetes."

A round of cheers came from the colorful ninjas.

"Go for it, boss!"

"Then I, BANG SHISHIGAMI," said Bang confidently, "shall overcome this challenge and proves once and for all how resourceful an Ikarugan can be."

And he ate it.

"NOOOOOOO!"

Revulsion hit Jin in the gut like an iron fist. On his side, Noel was cowering to herself, muttering about regretting ever being born. All around, people running for the nearest toilet or garbage bin to enfranchise their vomit.

"What's wrong?" asked Bang ambiguously.

Jin finally stood up and yelled with all his fury. "You have gone too far, ninja. For disturbing the well-being, mostly in the stomach, of innocent civilians, I sentence you DEATH.

The Major took a step forward as he drew his sword and hurled three blade-like ice shards at his opponent. "MOONSONG!"

Bang responded with a flurry of shurikens, striking down two of the blades, and then dodged the third. However, it wasn't Jin's intension in the first place to hit him straight with ice shards. The third projectiles exploded into a tree which, in turn, fell down and crushed the ninja who, a moment ago, arrogantly though he had avoid the worst of it.

"Nooooo!" cried the subordinates.

"Yeeeeees!" cried the rest of the observers, although their voice had been reduced thanks to the vomiting.

"Pathetic," Jin commented. Without warning, Noel embraced him and forced their mouths closer for a kiss. Jin was taken back, astonished. This cannot fail, she thought.

But it did, just as their lips came in contact, Jin's phone began to ring. With a sad sigh, Noel let go of him and went to recover her shoes.

"This is Jin Kisaragi speaking," said Jin into the phone. "What?...Are you sure?...Alright, I'll be there."

Then, he turned to Noel. "Cereal is calling. Looks like you work here is not over yet. Come on, let's return to headquarter."

And so back to the saving-the-world routine. Noel felt dispassionate. All her attempts had failed. No kiss in the end.

"Right, I'll be right behind you, Major," she answered determinedly.

From somewhere beneath the fallen tree, some moaning was heard.

"HEY, somebody get me out of here! Wait, my stomach hurts. I think I need to go now. That chocolate bar… URGH! Ohhh man, why does doing the right thing always so troublesome?"

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Story has a 50% chance of continuation, if the readers want. So tell me if you want me to go on with this, OK?


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